CHAPTER 9 - JODIE

I waved bye to Dwayne as he got in his cab, I stood at the door until his cab drove off then looked up and down the road to see if anyone was about, i clocked my brother walking up the road with that girl, so i quickly went back inside and shut the door. I heard my phone ringing from inside the front room so i went to answer it,
'Hello'
'Who's that, that come out the house fam!?', It was my brother,
'What?',
'Who's that tall yute fam!?'
'What are you talking about?'
'I just see one yute come out the house and hop ina cab, and don't chat shit cah i see you at the door',
'I don't know what your talking about, i went outside to check the weather, that yute came out one next house', I lied, cah i know he didn't see nothing.
He kissed his teeth 'Your gassed, anyway I'm outside, open the door', he locked the phone, i stood at the door for an extra couple minutes before opening it.
I opened the door and let them both in, I looked the girl up and down, then realised I'd seen her before, a couple years back she came to my mans house with his boy Lawrence. She still looked pretty, but she had a cut on her cheek and a black eye, which looked like it was fading, her hair was tied up in a messy bun and she was wearing a white hoody, blue skinny jeans and white and black Nike Rifts. As i made eye contact with her, she smiled at me
'Rah, you two actually kinda look alike - your really pretty',
'Thanks', i smiled back at her,
'Of course she's pretty, she's MY twin. Look how sexy i am, you think my twin could be ugly, no waay',
She laughed and I kissed my teeth at his vain-ness, but it was true, we were boom.
'Anyways, I'll be back ina sec', I went upstairs to look for my keys.
It took me a good 10 minutes to remember where i put them, i randomly found them under the bed. I went back downstairs and they was in the front room sitting down, suckin each others face off. I coughed to get his attention.. they carried on.. I coughed even louder and they stopped, he looked at me
'Urghhh', I screwed up my face,
he got up, walked over to me and took the keys out my hand,
'Safe for that',
they both walked out the house, i followed them to the door.
'Make sure you go home soon yeah - Khalil's probably missing you', he said as they both walked away,
I kissed my teeth and shut the door then went back upstairs and got dressed.

Before i left the house i looked in the mirror for the last time to make sure i looked on point. I put on my clear lip gloss then ran my fingers through my hair then fluffed it up a bit, you'd think i was mixed the way my hair is so frizzy and wild, most people think i look like how Kelis used to back in the day.
I double checked that everything was switched off, then left and went to the 44 bus stop to go Tooting and get my nails done before i went home.

As i got to the bus stop the bus pulled up, i got on it and went upstairs. I screwed up my face as i clocked bare school kids on the bus, I sat down a couple seats from the back and took out my phone to check the time, it was 4.15pm, i hated being on road at these times, with these school kids.
As the bus stopped outside Southside in Wandsworth, i looked out the window and clocked a familiar face, it was my mans bredrin Lawrence, I'd been tryna avoid him for the longest time since he started moving differently towards me. I quickly looked away from the window so that he couldn't see me if he looked up, but then he got on the bus anyway, so i looked out the window instead so hopefully he wouldn't notice me when he came upstairs, but that didn't work cah he clocked me. He came and sat down next to me as i continued to stare out the window, his bredrin Marcus sat down in the seats in front but turned around to face us,
'Jo-dee.. long timme, wha gwarn?', he put his arm round my shoulder
'Erm, sorry to disappoint you but I'm her twin still', I gave him some fake smile
'Stop chatting shit'
'Alright, do you want me to call her now?', i gave him a look to say i was serious
'Stop chatting shit, these times i can see your tatt', he grabbed my arm and held it out so you could blatantly see the tattoo i had on my wrist, Marcus started laughing.
I had my mans name, 'Aaron' with a little heart next to it. People always call me dumb for it and my mum flipped when she saw it, but i love him. I had it done when i got pregnant with our first yute a couple years back when I'd just turned 18, but i lost it at 3 months.

I pulled my arm out of his hand,

'Yeah, so you know.. fall back', I try shoo him away with my hand

'Fall back uno', Marcus laughed 'Ona real, Aaron been in pen for a year now and your tellin me your not beatin no one else nah?'

'Nah i ain't', i kissed my teeth

Lawrence pinched my arm 'Stop lying',

I screwed him.

'When did you last go see him?' Marcus said,

'A couple weeks back'

'Is it, he wrote to me a couple days ago', he said 'I gotta make sure that your alrite and behaving yourself'

I laughed, 'Well, i am',
I lied..

The bus stopped in Tooting Broadway and we all got off,

'Anyways bye', I gave Marcus a hug, then hugged Lawrence,

'Where do you think your going?', as he let go, he grabbed hold of my arm.

'Allow it, i need to go get my nails done then go home', I tried pulling away, but he weren't letting go.

'You can do that tomorrow - come, i want you to follow me somewhere quick', he started walking up the road, dragging me along with him. I didn't bother struggle and just walked with him, cause i knew it would end with him banging me or some shit, yeah, he's that kinda guy, he don't care I'm his boys girl cause he's in pen.

'Jodie, Did you have a baby?',

my heart skipped a beat as i looked at Marcus with a confused face,

'what?'

'I heard you was pregnant'

'when?'

'last year - I heard your baby's almost 5 months now'

'Nah i wasn't, who told you?'

'your bredrin, Jessica'

'Ohh, nah i wasn't'

'Ohh alright, I'm gone doe', he low fived Lawrence then hugged me and walked off down one road. Me and Lawrence walked up the next road and went into some house.

The house was tidy yet dirty at the same time and smokey, you could see the smoke fumes floating in the air and the it just smelt of weed. I followed him and the breh who answered the door into the front room, 2 yutes were playing PS3 and 2 chicks were sitting on the floor bagging up weed, they all looked about my age or older, i sat down on the sofa next to one of the yutes,
'Yeah what, can i get an eighth?', Lawrence sat down next to me, but on the arm of the sofa.
He put his arm round my shoulder, i felt kinda awkward, the two chicks kept looking at me aswell which was making it worse.
'Yeah, yeah - what you sayin doe?', the breh who answered the door said,
'Nuttin, was just in Wandsworth with Marcus earlier'
'Oh oh', he turned to the girls, 'I beg you do him an eighth' then looked back at me, 'what is this your chick?'
'Nah, just a bredrin'
'Oh oh, well your bredrin is kinda sexy', he winked at me, he was decent looking but he wasn't my kind of guy,
'Whats your name?'
'Jodie'
'Okay - I think I've seen you about uno'
'Is it, where?'
'Streatham Vale sides - you had a baby innit',
'Oh yeh, I live round there and nah I didn't. What made you think that?'
'Cah you was pregnant when i saw you'
'Oh, naah. That was my twin sister still, we're identical',
'Yeah, this twin sister i ain't never seen before', Lawrence butted into the conversation,
'She probably thinks your gonna move to her or something - cah if she is as boom as Jodie here, i would definatly have to move that', Lawrence low fived him, 'Yuh get me! - If one twin wha be the bredrin, the other can be the fuck' they both started laughing, I didnt find it the slightest bit funny and just watched them while they laughed away.

I ended up chillin there with Lawrence for a good 20 minutes more like I didn't have responsibilities to go deal with and i was starting to get bored aswell. My phone started ringing, it was my mum so i left the room to go answer it.
'Hello'
'Jodie!?', she sounded kinda vex
'Yes mum'
'What are you playing at?, You forget bout Khalil?', she had a slight Jamaican accent 'Yuh lef him here since the other night and nah come back'
'Im guna be home soon mum, please - I just need time for myself'
She kissed her teeth, 'All your time spent is for yourself, all you do is walk street all day and all night - he needs you, your supposed to be bonding with him, what are you doing?'
'Im coming home soon', I was starting to feel frustrated,
'No, you need to come home now!!'
'I can't even do this no more mum, I just want it to go back to how it was',
'Well its your choice, I tried to help you, but you need to get your priorities straight and come for this child noow', she hung up the phone.
I kissed my teeth and looked in the mirror. I started thinking about Khalil and how much of a shit mum i was being, but i just wasn't ready, I missed Aaron and i needed him to help me focus, it wasn't supposed to be like this with me tryna raise a baby on my own, certain time i felt lost without him but angry same time because only he is to blame why he is in pen. I re-fluffed my hair and put on some lipgloss, as i went to go back into the front room i bumped into Lawrence who was coming out.
'Jooodie', he hugged me, but it felt more like he was just squeezing me,
'Mmmm, i love the feel of your breasts against my chest', he squeezed tighter, I pushed him off me and screwed him, he could barely open his eyes, he was that high.
'Them big breasts there, filled with bare milk init', he tapped my left breast so it wobbled, I slapped his hand away and just continued to screw him in silence.
'Come let me show you something quick', he pulled me towards the stairs, I knew what he wanted.
'I need to go home',
'Quickly',
'I can't',
'Come maan', he pulled me harder,
'Noo!', I pulled away from him, he turned round and pushed me up against the wall and slapped me.
'You do what i tell you to do!', he started getting vex 'Cah like i told you last time, you don't want me to go tell Aaron that not only have you fucked me and whoeva else you been spreading your legs to, but that he's got a yute that you ain't even told him about and how your lookin to give it up for adoption aswell, wivout even tellin a man', he started laughing 'thinking about it, you could never be my baby mum, like your peng an that but naaah, your washed - cant even look after your own yute properly. - you think going around gassin up peoples head about you never had a yute will keep him from finding out?',
'Yeh it will, if you don't say nothing', I pushed him away from me, 'And i'll tell him myself'
'Yeah, course you will. We both know you two are done after that and don't try tell me im wrong cah thats MY don, he listens to me. You think cah he's been with you couple years and you try get his name inked in your skin that he gonna be with you forever?' he laughed again 'he will drop you quicker than you drop your frenchies if he finds out what you really been up to while he's been inside - you don't want that now, do you?'
I stared at him in silence for a few minutes, you wouldnt believe that this is the guy i turned to and who helped me through my pregnancy. How is he throwin it all back in my face like this. Half of what he heard wasn't even true, but as usual no one ever believes me. I felt like crying, but held it in.
'So what, are you gonna come jump on it or do you want me to go visit Aaron? ', he looked at me heartlessly.
I didn't answer him and just headed upstairs, it sounds dumb but, i love Aaron that much.